What's New?

Well, I continue to work for an awful company at an awful job.  It is miserable and I hate it.  I have a job.  For that I am grateful. I have been interviewing with no success until recently.  Maybe...I have had 2 phone interviews and now, 3 months later, I will have an in-person interview; the final interview.  This will be a work-from-home position; a dream job. The bummer is that initially it was between 1 other candidate and me.  Now I am learning that they are padding the candidate pool.  My odds were better before.  I have taken Thursday off and as am told the smart move, I took the last interview slot.  Here's to a great interview.

I am on a weight loss program.  Initially I was counting calories on a program provided by my employer.  But consistent with stupid moves made by my employer -- they took the program down.  Bonehead.  I initially lost 30#.  Then without a program to help count calories, I gained 10# back.  Now I am on Weight Watchers and have lost 22# -- or as I see it: the 10 I gained and 12 more.  All told, I have lost 42#.  I'd like to lose at least 40 more.

Golda is my problem child.  In January she started itching more than normal and started head-shaking. This is usually a sign of an ear infection.  Before long, she was bald behind her ears.  This is particularly distressing as this was an area she went after before and since we've kinda calmed down, hair grew back there.  Now it's all gone. I took her in to the dermatologist who did skin scrapings over the sore, red areas.  She has mites.  Demodex.

Demodex is a mite that is passed from mother to pup through mothers' milk. All dogs have this mite but in most cases they remain dormant for the life of the dog.  However, if the immune system is suppressed they come to life.  They aren't contagious and once off the host they die.  But they are hard to get rid of.  It's a liquid med I drizzle on her food.  After 6 weeks, we go back, have another skin scraping and hopefully show progress.  In that 6 weeks the adults die but the eggs hatch.  Then the hope is you kill those mites before they lay more eggs.  In Golda's case, after 6 weeks she had fewer mites but mites nonetheless.  Then we go another 6 weeks and hopefully then there will be no more mites after scraping, and then we go ANOTHER 6 weeks and if that too is clean we are officially cured.

Well in the process I heard from Dr. McKeever. He was checking in.  I told him how itchy she is and he told me that she should be more comfortable by now and believes that she is allergic to the mite. Brilliant.  So she's having a hyper reaction to the allergen.  Her immune system is out of wack.  So he put her on chemotherapy to completely suppress the system so she has no allergic reaction to anything.  Then, this gives her time to heal and then we ease her off of the chemo and hopefully the immune system returns to a normal level.  Can I just say, money? Lots and lots of money.

But we do it.  She's fine and seems to be feeling better and then at about 3 weeks she starts vomiting her meal.  We stopped the med for 3 days, then started again and she started vomiting again. Now we are taking a lower dose and she seems to be doing well. Now, in the midst of everything I notice two things:  She's grinding her teeth and she's not eating well.  I don't know what to think about the grinding of the teeth but the eating I figure, is related to all the meds she is on.  I take it in stride.

March comes and it's time for the semi-annual wellness check-up for both dogs and teeth cleaning. We do this every 6 months as they are small breeds and tend to have build up rather easily.  So we go.  Golda is first.  Not more than an hour goes by and Dr. Steuve calls.  Golda has FIVE teeth that are loose and need to come out. She's lost more than 50% of bone around these teeth.  One tooth had the tip of a root exposed.  He noted no gum disease, no decay; he simply could not explain this.  And to note, this happened in the last 6 months; teeth were fine 6 months ago. The teeth had to go. $600.00 later and my poor girl came home.  The only thing doctor can say is this is consistent with a suppressed immune system.  But why is her system suppressed? No clue.

She is resting well, but last night was tough.  She began coughing or retching...I'm not sure but it started around 3 in the morning.  She was a little panicked and pawed at me; licking my face and burying her head.  At 5 we got up.  I took her to the water but she would not drink.  So I dipped my finger in the water and let her lick it  off.  I did this about 5 times and then she drank from the bowl.  She drank a lot.  We went and laid on the couch and dozed until 9.  She coughed some, but seemed better after drinking. She's done it since then but not as badly.  I wonder if her throat is irritated after being intubated?  She ate only a little of her breakfast so I gave her another pain pill.  She too, shivered terribly, so I turned the heat up.  Now she's calm.

Blossom, through all of this, is lovely.  She is playful, attentive and healthy with healthy teeth.  It is my opportunity to experience a healthy dog.  Thank you.

So what's new?  I think that's plenty, don't you?

I Am Thankful; Really, I Am.

Well, a quick follow-up.  Boots came and with some real effort, I can get my feet into them.  I haven't decided to keep them because I haven't had a chance to use them as the weather has been crazy delightful.  This leads me to my topic:

I have been challenged by a wise woman to come up with 3 things I am thankful for each day for a week.  Man, am I in a funk because that is one tough challenge!  Here's what I have so far:

1. Dogs
2. Crazy delightful weather
3. My new car
4. Kristen
5. Terese
6. Theresa
7. Margaret
8. Friend-Chris
9. Joyce
10. My job
11. The ability to buy presents this year
12. Golda is now sitting on my lap
13. Blossom siiigghhs in contentment when I scratch her ears
14. Fine wine

OK.  Good so far.  But I did those in a sitting.  Here I am today and I can't come up with anything.  OK, I have a colleague in crime, who lets me be catty with her. It's a great stress-reliever.  I have insurance. (I have a cyst on my foot that needs to be surgically removed...yea!) I work with some pretty great attorneys whom I respect immensely and enjoy working with.  THERE!  I did it.  It's tough.  And it just shouldn't be.  I have to work on this. 

It's Winter and I Need Boots

I have been walking everyday. I'm trying to "waste away" but it ain't working as easily as I hoped. So for the last five months I have been walking at work and at home.  My dogs think it's AWESOME!

Now it's Winter or at least, bloody cold, and I need boots.  I have some old boots that have holes in them and frankly, smell. OK, it's a problem.  I need comfy, light-weight boots that will allow me to walk with ease while keeping my bare (no I don't wear sox, and you can't make me!) feet warm. I'm clomping on borrowed time.  My old ones drew blood yesterday -- really. 

So, so far, I have bought three pairs of boots and returned three pairs of boots.  They just don't fit.  Or my feet won't fit in the cuff of the boot.  I need laces or zippers. 

So I gave in and bought expensive (in my world) boots. REI had a deal and Mama loves a deal...have we talked about Groupon yet?  Oy vey!  I don't know how heavy they are since the deal was only on the internet, but today...I got the email.  My boots are being delivered and I'm counting on these being THE ONES. 

Can't wait!

Time Trudges On

It's been seven months since I last wrote.  And little has changed.  No job. Car, still bad.  Money, still bad.  Overweight. Health, still poor.

Health insurance is gone.  Even with the help of an attorney I did not prevail.  It would take a suit in Federal Court at this point and I don't have the money.  So I am one of the millions (?) who is uninsured. I tried to buy some but no one will insure me as I have a pre-existing condition.  Pres. Obama's plan provides insurance for folks like me...at a cost of $400+ a month.  I don't that kind of money.

In June my modified mortgage that I closed on in April, was withdrawn as they claim I have too many assets.  He...wha..huh? Where are these assets?  I could sure use them.  This is now in the hands of Al Franken and his staff. And for the last four months we have been trying to get my file from the Department of Treasury and they won't respond.  We can't fight without that.  Seems convenient doesn't it?  The mortgage company now calls me late and default since I have been paying (on time) the reduced rate that I was told to pay back in December.  They say I am paying short since there is no longer a modification in place.  They have given me a forbearance until February but still consider me late.  My credit is shot.

Unemployment runs  out in January.  I have no idea what happens after that. I just can't imagine.

I had one interview only last week.  All told -- in 15 months -- I have had four interviews.  This last one seems...hopeful. I'm a little afraid to say so. It feels like bad ju-ju to even talk about it.  So I won't.

This summer I put in gardens in every spare patch of dirt and then lost most of it to rabbits.  This despite chicken wire as far as the eye can see.  It seems that the babies (who will eat anything) can make their way through the holes in chicken wire. I lost all my acorn squash, cantaloupe, pumpkins, carrots and lost plant after plant of broccoli.  This only came in after the babies got bigger.  I have plenty of red peppers and broc and dried beans.  Oh and lettuce. I sure had lettuce.  So I used the Farmers Market every week.  Not how I planned it but at least I wasn't running to Rainbow every week.   Will try again next year.

So shall "I put it out there" again?  OK:
  
I  need a job.  It would be wonderful if it was a job that I can retire from.  A job where I am challenged and fulfilled. A job where I assist others in a positive fashion; a job I can be proud of. I need to be able to pay my bills and mortgage. I need to be financially stable.  I need a car.  A good stable car.  I need to be healthy and with that I need health insurance. My elbows are so painful -- I need to see a doctor.  I need my spirituality back. I'm floundering out here!  I need a relationship -- a good stable, loving relationship.  I want to save my house. I'd like to be at peace for once in the last two or more years!  I'm tired of this fight.

Alright, It's Out There...

Brooke Burke, the new hostess on Dancing With the Stars was on Oprah today. She said that she 'visualized' having the job on DWTS -- she "put it out there", she talked about it, she blogged about it.  She made a 'bucket list' and included that on it AS WELL AS (happy coincidence) an Oprah Show-appearance.  She talks about how great it is that she gets to check off two items on her list.

OK. Fine.  I'm open to anything at this point.

Let's see...I think first and foremost are the most urgent needs:  I need a job.  I need health insurance....better, I need the health insurance people to see that they are wrong and I am right -- I am a timely payer, and as such they need to reinstate me.

I wanted to be financially stable again.  I was for years, I like that, I want that.  I love that Anonymous has been kind to me; I love how generous Friend Chris is; I love the care and support David and Kristen have shown -- I want to be financially stable.  I want to be the giver.  I want to again support my synagogue, TPT Television, and the Heifer Organization.  I want to be able to buy chicken wire for my gardens now, and not have to wait until next month when I 'should' have a little more spare cash. I want to be back on track with groceries: once every 2 weeks instead of a little bit each week out of my $30-Gigi money. I want to feel stable.  I want to be able to take my car in for the repairs it needs.  I hate the feeling that this might be my last trip before it fails.

I want a new, reliable car with a warranty.  I will never buy another used car again.  I will always lease.

I want to weigh what I weighed 2 years ago, before all the crap and health problems began.  I don't need to be boney, just trim. I did it before, I want to do it again.  I want to be healthy.  I want to end my love affair with refined sugar. I want to walk every day and develop muscle-tone in my legs.  I have "all the time in the world" but lack the motivation-- I want to be motivated.

I want to be a balanced, motivated, happy, satisfied woman.  It would help if my hormones were in balance!  It would help if I could afford my hormones. I want to have a positive outlook and truly believe that all will turn out for the best.

I'd like a job that I can retire from.  I need to be creative.  I need to be a source of information -- a specialist in my own field. I want people to come to me with their problems and I want to help them. I want people to leave satisfied and pleased with the encounter.  I want to work in the public sector whether that is local government or a nonprofit of some sort.  I just want someone to say, "What a nice, helpful woman!" For 16 years I said, "No", now I'd like to say, "Let me see what I can do for you!".

I'd like a partner in life.  I tired of doing this all alone.  I like that I am independent and am proud of my strength and accomplishments, but now, I would like a supporter in all of this.  Someone who can carry a conversation, who would also listen. I want that person, the one whom you'd like to talk to before you go to sleep, that person.  That person whom you watch TV with and never once speak but you share time and space.  Right now, that's my dogs.  Who are lovely, but not much for conversation.

I want to gain my spirituality back.  I lost it about 2 years ago and don't know how to get it back.  I miss it.

I want my neighbors to spray for dandelions. I mean really, what's the deal? But then I'd also like them to mow.  You know if you mow regularly, you won't have to worry about spraying....

That's all I have for now.  Maybe over time I can fine tune this down, like: I want a Hundai Sonata. But for now, a new car would be grand.

Is There No End?

I received notice from my health carrier that they were cancelling my insurance for nonpayment.   In the same envelope was my payment.   They claim that the check I sent from Minneapolis on 3/17 arrived with a postmark from St. Paul on 4/5.  This is 5 days late.  This is simply a scam -- pure and simple.  Furthermore, after having sent my payment $229+ they sent me notice that my payment was owed in the amount of $159+ so obviously there has been an overpayment of $70-some dollars.  One would think that would be applied to the outstanding balance.  But what's more, this is consistent with this company.  Since January they have sent no less than 3 different coupons changing my monthly premium.  So what is the actual amount owed?  And even more interesting, in February I had an email conversation with an account rep who told me that I had a $159+ credit -- the same amount they are now saying I owe.  I've since made calls to this same woman for help with no return calls. 

I'm so tired.

Is There or Is There Not a Job?

I got a call from an agency wanting me to interview for a "Minneapolis insurance compnay".  Sweet!  Minneapolis!  What a deal!  Maybe I could use the train!  COOL! Well we had several calls and emails with much reference to the "Minneapolis insurance company".  Why does she keep saying that and what company other than Berkley is in MPLS? 

Then I get an urgent email:  I've been trying to reach you; they want to interview you (in Minneapolis) tomorrow at 10AM.  Terrific, fine, I'll be there.  Send me the information.  By the way, where is this in Minneapolis? Reimer Avenue. Where?  Google it.

So I do.  It's in friggin Osseo! Now I'm torqued.  I feel like I have been lied to.  But I committed to the interview and I go. 

It took 40 minutes to get there. After 5 minutes they tell me they are not sure whether there is a position but that they are interviewing just in case and really this isn't the real interview.   The real interview would be with their client -- this was just to put a face to the name as they are already impressed with my credentials.  So, thanks and we'll be in touch.  All that for a 40 minute drive.  

That afternoon I get home to two voicemails.  The first:  Congratulations!  An offer has been made.  They want you to interview with their client! The second:  They've chnged their mind and are going a different route.  The offer has been rescinded. So in a matter of a minute I had and lost a job.  This was my first in 7 1/2 months. 

What?  You hear the recession is over?  Really.