Time Trudges On

It's been seven months since I last wrote.  And little has changed.  No job. Car, still bad.  Money, still bad.  Overweight. Health, still poor.

Health insurance is gone.  Even with the help of an attorney I did not prevail.  It would take a suit in Federal Court at this point and I don't have the money.  So I am one of the millions (?) who is uninsured. I tried to buy some but no one will insure me as I have a pre-existing condition.  Pres. Obama's plan provides insurance for folks like me...at a cost of $400+ a month.  I don't that kind of money.

In June my modified mortgage that I closed on in April, was withdrawn as they claim I have too many assets.  He...wha..huh? Where are these assets?  I could sure use them.  This is now in the hands of Al Franken and his staff. And for the last four months we have been trying to get my file from the Department of Treasury and they won't respond.  We can't fight without that.  Seems convenient doesn't it?  The mortgage company now calls me late and default since I have been paying (on time) the reduced rate that I was told to pay back in December.  They say I am paying short since there is no longer a modification in place.  They have given me a forbearance until February but still consider me late.  My credit is shot.

Unemployment runs  out in January.  I have no idea what happens after that. I just can't imagine.

I had one interview only last week.  All told -- in 15 months -- I have had four interviews.  This last one seems...hopeful. I'm a little afraid to say so. It feels like bad ju-ju to even talk about it.  So I won't.

This summer I put in gardens in every spare patch of dirt and then lost most of it to rabbits.  This despite chicken wire as far as the eye can see.  It seems that the babies (who will eat anything) can make their way through the holes in chicken wire. I lost all my acorn squash, cantaloupe, pumpkins, carrots and lost plant after plant of broccoli.  This only came in after the babies got bigger.  I have plenty of red peppers and broc and dried beans.  Oh and lettuce. I sure had lettuce.  So I used the Farmers Market every week.  Not how I planned it but at least I wasn't running to Rainbow every week.   Will try again next year.

So shall "I put it out there" again?  OK:
  
I  need a job.  It would be wonderful if it was a job that I can retire from.  A job where I am challenged and fulfilled. A job where I assist others in a positive fashion; a job I can be proud of. I need to be able to pay my bills and mortgage. I need to be financially stable.  I need a car.  A good stable car.  I need to be healthy and with that I need health insurance. My elbows are so painful -- I need to see a doctor.  I need my spirituality back. I'm floundering out here!  I need a relationship -- a good stable, loving relationship.  I want to save my house. I'd like to be at peace for once in the last two or more years!  I'm tired of this fight.

Alright, It's Out There...

Brooke Burke, the new hostess on Dancing With the Stars was on Oprah today. She said that she 'visualized' having the job on DWTS -- she "put it out there", she talked about it, she blogged about it.  She made a 'bucket list' and included that on it AS WELL AS (happy coincidence) an Oprah Show-appearance.  She talks about how great it is that she gets to check off two items on her list.

OK. Fine.  I'm open to anything at this point.

Let's see...I think first and foremost are the most urgent needs:  I need a job.  I need health insurance....better, I need the health insurance people to see that they are wrong and I am right -- I am a timely payer, and as such they need to reinstate me.

I wanted to be financially stable again.  I was for years, I like that, I want that.  I love that Anonymous has been kind to me; I love how generous Friend Chris is; I love the care and support David and Kristen have shown -- I want to be financially stable.  I want to be the giver.  I want to again support my synagogue, TPT Television, and the Heifer Organization.  I want to be able to buy chicken wire for my gardens now, and not have to wait until next month when I 'should' have a little more spare cash. I want to be back on track with groceries: once every 2 weeks instead of a little bit each week out of my $30-Gigi money. I want to feel stable.  I want to be able to take my car in for the repairs it needs.  I hate the feeling that this might be my last trip before it fails.

I want a new, reliable car with a warranty.  I will never buy another used car again.  I will always lease.

I want to weigh what I weighed 2 years ago, before all the crap and health problems began.  I don't need to be boney, just trim. I did it before, I want to do it again.  I want to be healthy.  I want to end my love affair with refined sugar. I want to walk every day and develop muscle-tone in my legs.  I have "all the time in the world" but lack the motivation-- I want to be motivated.

I want to be a balanced, motivated, happy, satisfied woman.  It would help if my hormones were in balance!  It would help if I could afford my hormones. I want to have a positive outlook and truly believe that all will turn out for the best.

I'd like a job that I can retire from.  I need to be creative.  I need to be a source of information -- a specialist in my own field. I want people to come to me with their problems and I want to help them. I want people to leave satisfied and pleased with the encounter.  I want to work in the public sector whether that is local government or a nonprofit of some sort.  I just want someone to say, "What a nice, helpful woman!" For 16 years I said, "No", now I'd like to say, "Let me see what I can do for you!".

I'd like a partner in life.  I tired of doing this all alone.  I like that I am independent and am proud of my strength and accomplishments, but now, I would like a supporter in all of this.  Someone who can carry a conversation, who would also listen. I want that person, the one whom you'd like to talk to before you go to sleep, that person.  That person whom you watch TV with and never once speak but you share time and space.  Right now, that's my dogs.  Who are lovely, but not much for conversation.

I want to gain my spirituality back.  I lost it about 2 years ago and don't know how to get it back.  I miss it.

I want my neighbors to spray for dandelions. I mean really, what's the deal? But then I'd also like them to mow.  You know if you mow regularly, you won't have to worry about spraying....

That's all I have for now.  Maybe over time I can fine tune this down, like: I want a Hundai Sonata. But for now, a new car would be grand.

Is There No End?

I received notice from my health carrier that they were cancelling my insurance for nonpayment.   In the same envelope was my payment.   They claim that the check I sent from Minneapolis on 3/17 arrived with a postmark from St. Paul on 4/5.  This is 5 days late.  This is simply a scam -- pure and simple.  Furthermore, after having sent my payment $229+ they sent me notice that my payment was owed in the amount of $159+ so obviously there has been an overpayment of $70-some dollars.  One would think that would be applied to the outstanding balance.  But what's more, this is consistent with this company.  Since January they have sent no less than 3 different coupons changing my monthly premium.  So what is the actual amount owed?  And even more interesting, in February I had an email conversation with an account rep who told me that I had a $159+ credit -- the same amount they are now saying I owe.  I've since made calls to this same woman for help with no return calls. 

I'm so tired.

Is There or Is There Not a Job?

I got a call from an agency wanting me to interview for a "Minneapolis insurance compnay".  Sweet!  Minneapolis!  What a deal!  Maybe I could use the train!  COOL! Well we had several calls and emails with much reference to the "Minneapolis insurance company".  Why does she keep saying that and what company other than Berkley is in MPLS? 

Then I get an urgent email:  I've been trying to reach you; they want to interview you (in Minneapolis) tomorrow at 10AM.  Terrific, fine, I'll be there.  Send me the information.  By the way, where is this in Minneapolis? Reimer Avenue. Where?  Google it.

So I do.  It's in friggin Osseo! Now I'm torqued.  I feel like I have been lied to.  But I committed to the interview and I go. 

It took 40 minutes to get there. After 5 minutes they tell me they are not sure whether there is a position but that they are interviewing just in case and really this isn't the real interview.   The real interview would be with their client -- this was just to put a face to the name as they are already impressed with my credentials.  So, thanks and we'll be in touch.  All that for a 40 minute drive.  

That afternoon I get home to two voicemails.  The first:  Congratulations!  An offer has been made.  They want you to interview with their client! The second:  They've chnged their mind and are going a different route.  The offer has been rescinded. So in a matter of a minute I had and lost a job.  This was my first in 7 1/2 months. 

What?  You hear the recession is over?  Really.

You Never Cease to Amaze...

Well I continue to look for work and to date have yet to have an interview.  It's been seven months.  I am on the Federal extension and thank President Obama for his truthful understanding of the current economy  and not forgetting that there  are many of us out here unemployed.

And with all this my life continues and the dark cloud hovers!  I can't understand why I am not having interviews! I feel like everything in my life...life in general...should stop until I am able to get back on track.  But unfortunately that isn't the way things work.

I am still spending my Wednesdays with sweet Gigi and I continue to feel blessed by this small reprieve where I get to hang out with a wonderful four year old who makes me laugh.  The pay still goes toward groceries and incidentals and boy am I thankful. Twice now, Gigi's mom has hired me to do some filing in her home office.  That was a nice surprise and that allowed me to afford prescriptions.  And yet, that blasted cloud.

2 weeks ago my back door suddenly stopped locking -- it was as if the dead bolt was not meeting its mark.  One day I bent the key to get it unlocked.  So I called my friend and handy man who shaved this and tightened that and determined that the door was swollen with moisture from the dampness in the air.  We should be good to go. No charge  (what a guy!).  2 days later I was at Gigi's house and getting ready to leave...much like the battery incident...? I put my key in the door and it broke. In the lock. Just snapped in half.  I tell you it was all I could do to not crumble onto the drive way and cry.  I mean, what do you do? I didn't have a spare as this was an old beater that didn't come with one.  Plus there was a piece IN THE LOCK. I'm going to have to have this towed, or hire a locksmith to rebuild the lock so I can have a new key....Oy gevalt!

David came home and in all his calmness got a thing that poked this and pushed that and pulled the piece out -- easy peasy.  I recall being very aware of his calm.  I think he knew that I was standing on the edge of the abyss. Well, we took the pieces to the hardware store and they taped them together and made a new key that didn't fit. Now we have to call the locksmith. But hey, David's neighbor down the street is a locksmith, and he ran down there.  I really believe because this guy knew David he gave him all the right answers without making a call and starting a bill.  Call Toyota, give them your VIN and they can digitally make you a key.  So David and I went for a little ride.

We talked about God. In my case I was grappling with: Why?  Why is this necessary?  What am I to gain from all of this and why does this always happen at David's house? I've come to the decision that while I am not yet to know all the answers, one thing is sure,  I will never be left high and dry: I will have car failure, but it will be at David's house who will help me.  I will have trouble with my locks at home, but Jim is a phone call away.  Bumps in the road.

Once again at the cash register at Toyota, David paid.  I am touched and honored by his generosity of money and time.  He's a good man, whom I consider a dear friend.

Ok, then. 2 days later, I am leaving the house and go to lock the door and it won't.  Worse yet, the key is stuck in the lock.  COME! ON! Ultimately I had to leave the key in the door and the house unlocked.  I called Jim.  I told him it was time for a new door knob and lock.  Would he please do that while I was gone?  Later Jim called.  Oh I just sprayed WD40 in the lock. Everything is OK.  You don't need a lock.  No charge.

Friday the IRS felt the need to write.  Seems they think that huge amount of money I paid in on taxes for 2008 (after my FORMER tax accountant made a huge error on my taxes!) was not enough. They want $1400.00 more. This in addition to the fact that while on Unemployment I OWE taxes for 2009.  Seems that Unemployment threw me into the OWE-category.  Nice.  So now I need to battle taxes.  I simply can't afford that.  So, in a very painful decision, I took money out of retirement to pay for these bills.  Money is an issue.  I am learning that I can live on far less than I ever imagined, and as such am looking at lower paying jobs, in addition to work comp, but I still am in the negative. I know they say you should never touch the 4o1k, but what else do I do?

And when I was slipping into the dark place, I got my mail. Once again, Anonymous sent me a gift card. This time to Target.  Anonymous? Between you and David and his family, not to mention the everyday kindnesses that Chris offers, my heart swells.  I want this to be over so that I can pay this forward.  I want to know who you are so I can hug you, I want nothing but goodness to follow you.  But, since that can't be, I wish you a bounty of God's goodness and blessings, I wish you peace and comfort, I pray you will never have to experience financial difficulty, but God forbid you do, I hope I am the one who is there to help you though it.  Amen.

A Bounty of Friends

This past week has me connecting with two of my good girlfriends.

On Saturday I saw HL and her baby boy Matt. We met at Caribou and gossiped.  She and I connected at HIG or as I call it: THE HORROR-SHOW!  She worked there for eight years and finally left for her current job.  We worked together for a year before she left.  In that year we became fast friends.  She (at the time) was a married gal with no children and two dogs.  Those were her babies.   She also turned me onto Weight Watchers and was my main support through that process. We shared weight loss and dog stories.  When she left I was broken-hearted but a friendship was established and this many years later and a baby to boot, we still are good friends. 

It is always a delight to talk to HL but this day, it was such a treat since I go no where and see very few people as I can't afford to go out.  It was such a pleasure to sit, sip coffee, and talk to HL.  I realized how much I miss my friends during this time of unemployment.  Before we knew it two hours had passed and her perfect child was playing well with his toys but no need to push it...so it was time to go.  I was sorry to see it end.

You know HIG was a horror-show but I came away from there with a good friend.

Then on Monday TMB came from Hugo to spend the day togther.  TMB has been unemployed for more than a year.  This is disheartening indeed, but what gets me is she has amazing experience.  10 years here; three years there; all as an office manager.  She's got skills and she had no interviews. In May she will run out of UI benefits.  Her skills are applicable everywhere -- mine are very specific.  If she can't find work, what's going to happen to me?

TMB and I met at Nat Car 19 years ago.  We've worked for the same employer three times in our history.

TMB is married to the wonderful Charlie and has two dogs.  We joke that there aren't two more  surprising dog owners than TMB and me, but here we are: in love with doggy-motherhood.

T came bearing a big grocery bag full of meat products including sausages that were made by Grandpa who used to have an Italian deli in St. Paul.  I have plenty of meat.  Such a nice gift!

TMB and I talked at length about unemployment, money, weight, smoking (rather, not smoking) dogs, dogs, dogs, husbands, family...it was four hours of nonstop chat.  What a treat! 

I've known TMB almost longer than any other friends but one.  We are like-minded with the same emotional balances.  Morally and ethically, we are the same. Here again is a woman who is so important to me,  whom I met through work.  And I might add, it too was a horror-show!

I've worked at a lot of crappy places but most all have given me dear, dear friends.  Interesting.

My visit with TMB was nurturing and sustaining.  I really get so much from my female friends. It's invigorating. Like my Sunday-morning coffee with Chris and Miss Joyce (and sometimes Terry).  I just can't start my week without a visit with the ladies. When I don't see my gal pals I am lost.

Now I am wth my friend GiGi and I feel like this week is complete and I surely will make it through another week with the help of these women.

Spring is in the Air

 

 

It's 41 degrees and sunny.  My roof is finally free of snow and the massive ice sickles have fallen off with well timed "booms" throughout the afternoon.  Finally the dripping has stopped and the skating rink that was my patio is now just a patio again.  My dogs can barely contain themselves. Neither can I, quite frankly.  I have visions of wide expanses of black dirt, muddy hands and knees, and vegetable gardens as far as the eye can see.  But I digress....

The dogs are crazy about this weather. They go out and run in circles around the yard and wrestle in the snow.  My older dog watches the activity up in front with her face stuck through the breaks in the fence -- I've never noticed this before but I see with the snow pack so high she has a better vantage point.  

They'd really prefer that I hang out with them so after 15-20 minutes they want back in and in a matter of minutes they are ready to go out again.  My little girls are outside dogs at heart even though they spend their time on the back of the couch watching the world go by.  

During spring, summer and fall we walk every day.  But at this time of the year with all the melt and slop and with their little 3-4 inch legs -- they end up soggy, muddy and sandy.  Each walk requires a head to toe bath and I admit it -- I'm too lazy to do that every day, and frankly, bath time is not their favorite time!  So why put them through that?  So for now -- it's the back yard until the melt really kicks in and that becomes soup.  Oh joy.  I need April.  

But for now, they are out running and wrestling and wondering when I will come out too. 

Miss GiGi and Me

So last week Miss GiGi and  I were playing, Go Fish.  At one point GiG asks, "Do you have any 6s?" I hand her my 6 but she doesn't put any matches down.  I say, "GiG, put down your matches." She tells she has none.  "GiGi!  You don't ask for a card unless you already have one in your hand." She tells me she knows.  Then I ask for her 1.  I know she has one because she's asked for this in the past.  She tells me to "Go Fish".  Huh.  Maybe I was mistaken.  Her turn.  She asks me for my 1.  "GiGi! If I ask for a card, and you have it, you have to give it up!"  She starts a rolling laugh that starts in her gut and rolls all the way out and she chortles! She has made a joke!  She's not cheating -- I don't think she gets that concept -- she just played a joke on me!  I tell her to hand over the 1 and she does, laughing the whole way!

Later, Miss Ellie, GiGi's oldest sister, comes home from school while we are still playing cards.  I want to play Crazy 8s and Ellie wants to join us.  GiGi wants to play Memory.  But what I think is that she wants to only play with me and is a little prickly because Ellie is going to play too.  This is still her time!  Well we out-vote her and Crazy 8s it is.  She refuses to play claiming she doesn't know how to.  This isn't the case since the week before we played this game.  Being the big sister, Ellie pulls her onto her lap and tells her she can share her hand and learn how to play. 

We play our first hand and Ellie wins.  GiGi says, "Good job, sista!" Ha!  This is what I call GiGi.  Ellie says, "Is that what Miss Jean calls you?" GiGi says it is.  Ellie asks me why I call her sister?  I say, all women are sisters.  Ellie kinda gets it.  GiGi says, "Yeah!" as if she understands the concept of a global sisterhood.   I think, I just need to burst out and laugh out loud!  She cracks me up so! What a treat.

Coupon Queen -- Deal Diva

I used my gift card at Rainbow.  I'm pretty darn proud of the success I had with coupon collection and deals.

I saved $35.00 with coupons and deals; a 35% savings on the original bill.  My best deal of the day was a pound of Caribou coffee.  I had a dollar-off coupon, got it doubled, then Rainbow had it on sale for $6.99. Grand total for Mahogany blend (mmmmm!) $4.99.  In the stores, this is $13.99 a pound!  Score! Then add to this that I get points for money off at BP gas -- I went to the gas station and got .60 cents off a gallon.  I saved $7.80! I just want to do well with this gift.

Next up:  Rainbow has a big deal of buy a ham, get a turkey breast (whole), eggs, sausage for free.  AND buy 5 Post cereals and get $5.00 off at the register AND a coupon for free milk.  Finally, Cheerios are on sale for $1.98 -- I have a dollar-off coupon.  I will get that on Wednesday, they will double it -- they will owe me .02 cents!

I keep thinking about the generous donor.  Times are tough these days, but of the people I know, none of them are flush. None of them would I say, has spare money sitting around.  That means that this was indeed an extraordinarily generous gift. I'm just so moved.  It gives me hope in our small world, that there are good and giving people in the world, and I know many of them -- but one in particular....wow. These thoughts keep me awake at night. When can I show them that I realize the magnitude of this gift and pass it on? One day I will and I will document it -- not for the strokes of a good deed, but so the donor will know that good deeds do get passed on.

Thank you, again.

I Am Blessed By the Kindness of the Anonymous

Today was a low day.  No calls. Never. No interviews, ever. I have just been approved for a first teer Federal extension of my unemployment since the state Unemployment expires after six months.  I'm stuck in the muck: why is this happening to me?  What did I do to bring this dark cloud into my life?  Will I ever regain my footing?  What does my future hold? I'm ashamed to say I didn't get out of my PJs today and haven't brushed my teeth.  I'm feeling really sorry for myself.

In the mail today there was an envelope with a lovely card with no signature, and a $100-gift card to Rainbow.  There's obvious relevance to this.  But for me, I have great fear and anxiety that I won't be able to afford groceries.  It grips me with fear, sometimes.  Consequently I obsess on food: eating, getting it, coupons, deals...and it tears me apart when I come across a good deal but still have no money for it.  I know -- logically --- that I am not going to starve.  Yet, I can't let go of that irrational fear and each grocery shopping trip terrifies me: will I have enough money? Will I get stopped in the line and have to make people wait while I give back items?  Crazy anxiety.  This gift was so generous in so many ways.

Certainly the money is so appreciated. SO appreciated.  But to be able to let go of the anxiety for the time being...it brings me to tears.

Thank you. Somehow, someday, I will pay this forward, but for now: Thank you.

In the Community of Women

On Monday the 8th,  Chris and I went to Katie and Gloria's house for soup and fun.  Let's talk about the soup:

There was a veggie-black bean that was delish, to be sure, but the other...some name I can't pronounce or remember, but boy do I remember that beautiful soup.  It was a hearty, curry-flavored, chicken soup. It was gorgeous.  Thick with loads of chicken that sat at the bottom just waiting for you to stir it up; swimming in a saffron-yellow broth with fresh spinach leaves floating on the top.  This was served over jasmine rice boiled in coconut milk.  The combination was pure bliss.  The soup had a kick but not too much, just enough to make your nose run. A week or so later and I am still thinking about this glorious soup.  I wonder how I can use the coconut rice now?

After soup, this party of women sat down for a rousing game -- a take on the Newly-wed Game.  Chris and I were a team.  For a while we were in the lead.  A common answer for us was: Sarah Pallin.  IE:  Who is the new Wicked Witch of the West?  Sarah Pallin!  There were lots of laughs and jokes with occasional diversions into stories and jokes. 

I found myself shaking my head in amazement.  There is nothing better than a group of women together.  Whether that group is two over coffee or 15 over soup and games --- there is nothing like it.  A group of women is a group of interesting, nurturing, funny people.  There is immediate acceptance and interest in each other.  It is a secret society with only one requirement: gender.  Even the dogs were female and were front and center of all the excitement; gradually going from woman to woman for pats and massages; often taking time to sit at a woman's feet or in my case under my legs. 

When the game ended (Chris and I tied for last) and the party began to break up, I was sorry to see it end. We drove home laughing as we recounted moments from the evening and a little disappointed that this was the last 'soup-night' of the year.  But, what fun it was!

Lost #1 and 2

Oh my gosh! What's going on? 

The new and final season started last week with an intriguing show.  So many questions!  We start off back on the plane which goes through turbulence and makes it.  No crash.  We see all our players and they run into each other in various fashions.  Jack saves Charlie's life; Kate pick-pockets Jack for a pen...later in the airport Jack encounters John Locke who lost his luggage; Jack's father's casket never made it aboard and they really aren't sure where it is.  Jack and John have a nice moment and Jack offers John a pro bono visit to see if there isn't something surgical that he can do -- after all -- John is paralyzed still.  It seems that despite all odds these people are destined to be in each others' lives. 

Meanwhile at the same time, we are back at the Dharma station.  It appears we are righted in time.  But Dharam did build the station despite Juliet's exploding the bomb.  After some time Sawyer can hear that Juliet is still alive and buried beneath the rubble.  Ultimately he gets to her only to have her die in his arms. But not before saying that she has something to tell him , but dies too soon to actually tell him.  At the same time Hugo is visited by the spirit of Jacob who tells him to take Sayed to the Temple.  Everyone goes but Miles and Sawyer who stay behind to bury Juliet.  Why didn't they take her?  If the springs can heal Sayed -- couldn't they have healed Juliet?  Or is this the way to get the actress of this show and full time for "V"? 

Once Juliet is buried Sawyer asks Miles what it was that Juliet wanted to tell him.  "It worked." This leads me to believe that there is an alternate universe, which the makers of "Lost" denied from the start. 

Hugo takes everyone else to the Temple where they are met with hostility and many more survivors.  One is the flight attendant who recognizes everyone from the "first plane", allowing us to believe that the second return flight did occur.  The Others are about to kill the gang when Hugo announces that Jacob sent them.  This stops everyone in their tracks.  He offers a guitar case as proof.  Inside is a religious statue that is quickly broken.  Within it is a note that apparently says to heal Sayed and protect the rest. 

Sayed is submerged in the springs and appears to drowned instead of heal. 

While in the alternate universe, Jin and Sun are detained as Jin has thousands of dollars in his luggage.  He is pulled away to be interogated.  He doesn't speak English and doesn't know what is going on.  A woman says to Sun, "if you speak English and this is some misunderstanding now is the time to speak up." Of course she does speak English but she wants to get away from Jin, so she say, "No English". 

Kate breaks away from the marshal who was escorting her back to the United States and hijacks a taxi that has the very pregnant Claire in it.  Ultimately she takes the taxi leaving Claire behind.  In time she finds a mechanic who takes her cuffs off and in a plan to change her clothes into Claire's she sees that all that was in the luggage was baby supplies and toys.  She feels guilt and goes back in search of Claire.  She learns that Claire is going to give the baby up for adoption and drives her to her destination.  There, she learns that the  adoptive parents no longer want the baby.  This causes Claire to go into labor and Kate takes her to the hospital.  There they encounter the creepy character who was an Other who abducted Claire and tried to take Aaron from her.  So here again -- they were destined to encounter one another.  Also, this means he wasn't on the island.  Was he then, never an Other?  He's able to stop the contractions and Claire announces that the baby's name is Aaron however she doesn't know where that name came from.  Kate encourages her to keep the baby.  This coincides with the reason Kate went back to the island: to find Claire and reunite her with Aaron. 

Meanwhile on the island, after much time has passes, Sayed suddenly rises from the dead.  he has no memory after being shot.  The leader of the Others takes Sayed and ultimately tortures him.  However he calls it diagnosing him.  He fails the test.  We later learn that he has a darkness enveloping him, and the Other leader says, "just like your sister". 

Hugo tells the Others that Jacob is dead and this sets off a flurry of activity, including the ash circle encompassing the temple.  This will keep the smoke monster away.  We earlier learned that the smoke monster is the same as the man who is claiming to be John Locke even though we know Locke is dead and all has seen the dead body. The Others shoot off a flare that is seen by Richard Alpert and the group on the beach. This terrifies Richard.  At the same time "John" comes out and says, "Hello Richard.  Must be nice to be out of those chains." Then attacks him and carried him away.  Chains?  Chain to Jacob, to the island, in time?  After all he never aged.  Will he begin to age?  Or did "John" just kill him?

Sawyer is abducted by the Others and brought to the rest of the gang.  He promptly commandeers a gun and escapes.  Kate goes after him with 2 of the Others and Jin.  She breaks away but Jin stays with the Others.  One of the Others is going to kill Jin when they are both shot by Claire.  A very raggedy, dirty, Claire.  She looks like Russo.  Jin says her name and this startles her, almost as if awakening her.  And we end here. 

Claire is "dark"? Sayed will become "dark" and who is this guy impersonating John. 

Oh my gosh.

Didja See Her?

Sarah Pallin spoke to the Tea Party Convention (for a hundred grand) this past weekend.  She asks, presumably me and the others who voted for Obama, "So how's that hope-y change-y thing going for ya?"She later called our President, "A charismatic speaker with a teleprompter".  But the catch is, as she's talking with her hands -- while using note cards -- it becomes revealed that she has talking points WRITTEN ON HER HAND! Later while she's in an interview-setting, she is caught, not so covertly, looking at her hand to remember what topics she found most important to her! COME. ON! This is the woman who said it was "absurd" to NOT consider running in 2012.  Oh I don't know -- doesn't sound too absurd to me!

Hey! Tea Partiers!  Really?  This is who you think should lead the country?  Well that's great; you keep working towards that I we'll keep making fun of her!

I Am Humbled By the Kindness of Others.

So that last entry was a low moment, to be sure. But within 2 hours of posting I was standing at the side of my car staring at a dead battery. My friend David (Gigi's daddy) was plugging it in to his vehicle and ultimately diagnosing a really old, dead battery.  Time for a new one.

I have no money -- I think I've made that clear.  But the hard truth is that I use babysitting money to buy groceries.  I have no money....and little credit.  I've never been a credit card user so have one with very low available credit.  I was going to have to max it out.

Dear David drove me to a store to buy a battery and then refused to let me buy it. I promised to pay him back and he refused that as well. This was charitable giving. Plus a Subway sandwich to go.

David didn't read that post.  David doesn't know I have a blog and he was at work when I entered that.  So Who was listening? G-d? The Universe? Guardian angels? I don't know what to believe but I do know now what it feels like to be humbled to your core.  Not only do they let me spend the day with Gigi but they give me a bit of money to pay for groceries, and now this.  I don't know what to do with this kind of generosity. I feel weak in the knees.  And I don't mind adding: a little spooked.

So at my most humblest moment, I can only say, "thank you" and may the blessings of G-d follow you.

A Fund Has Been Set Up in Your Name

It seems like every local-news piece ends with "A fund has been set up in their name...".  Someone had a fire, someone was the victim of violence, someone is a vet coming home from Iraq....they all have funds in their name.  It seems that this is just the next step after something awful or difficult has happened.

I recall the story of a family that endured the murder of two of their family members.  Horrible. Terrible.  Awful. A fund was set up in their name.  This despite that they lived in a wealthy area; their house bordered on mansion-like and was valued at well over $300,000. Dad was an executive.  But the family remaining was looking for the community to donate in their name.  Really?  No estate? No insurance? Not to mention social security for the kids.  Huh. Ok.  Then....

What about me!? Let's see...I lost my job in August and for the life of me can't even get an interview.  I have some health problems that are concerning. I am a homeowner and live alone, therefore then I'm the only one paying the mortgage. Unemployment is paying less than half my usual salary.  It's winter and gas bills are through the roof, but I don't qualify for assistance. Oh did I mention the vet bills for the dogs? Need I say more?

Seems like there should be a fund in my name! Let's do that.  But instead of bothering with a bank, just send your donations my way.  I will take checks, dollars, and moneyorders...or food! 

And thank you for your support!

Oh Michele! Not Sarah!

Michele Bachmann announced that she will be teaming up with -- wait for it....Sarah Palin!  Sarah and she will become a united front in Bachmann's re-election campaign.  Apparently Sarah will be the star attraction at a fund raiser, date to be announced.  So now we can have two, creepy, religious nutjobs together on Minnesota soil. Because after all, two is better than one, right?  And we need Bachmann back for another term.  Right? Maybe then, we can have more prayer-casts like the one last month.  Let's reflect on Bachmann's prayer regarding Healthcare Reform:

BACHMANN: Lord, as leaders of our country, Lord, I pray as a stand-in for myself, I pray as a stand-in  for others, Lord, who may not have looked to you and all your ways, Father, as leaders. Father, we want to represent you in the way that we should and so, Lord, I ask for forgiveness for that and our own country ... Lord, we know that we have failed and we haven't done as we should. And so that's why now, Lord, we ask for your forgiveness and we repent and we turn from that. And we say, oh Lord, we deserve your wrath but would you yet get our nation mercy. We ask for your mercy, we cry out to you, oh God. This is our moment and this is our time. Lord, we are at the end of ourselves and now we need you.

Can you hear the crickets?

Really?  People of the Sixth District, this is who you want representing you in Washington?  She's unhinged! And don't get me started on the separation of church and state! But to join ranks with Sarah Palin! Really, the woman who couldn't name a magazine or newspaper that she recently read...the woman who is on record as saying she didn't know what the Vice President did, but sure wanted to be one because it's, "God's will." (And apparently it wasn't!) This is the person you want to support you?  Could it be she likes the fame of it all? Is she star struck? Remember how she behaved with then-President Bush when he spoke to the Nation.  She kissed him on the lips, stroked him, fondled him, got her picture taken with him. She was star struck! She was an embarrassment. Really Sixth District?

Wake up! It is time for her to go and it is time to get someone in there who is going to help your district with jobs, and preventing foreclosures -- after all, you top the charts in the state on both.  Are you any better than you were two terms ago?

Remember to fill out your census, vote, and tell Bachmann to do the same! 

Time to Act.

Last night I listened to a representative from the World Food Program.  The conversation surrounded the desperation in Haiti. However, WFP has been in Haiti well before the earthquake of a week ago.  (Click on the title of this post for the link to WFP)

The representative mentioned that with this catastrophe, 1.5 million people are displaced and need feeding.  This is a daily figure -- not a one time event. 

She mentioned that it costs 25 cents to feed a child.  25 cents! I'm unemployed, and frankly, money is an issue.  I'm always anxious when I spend -- usually grocery shopping -- I worry that I spend too much.  Yesterday I did grocery shop and went to Target who generally has the better prices.  I spent about $50. This wasn't even my 'big' shop; this was a 'filler' shop.  You know: eggs, milk, cream, a little of this and that, some fresh food....$50. 

The cell phone companies have partnered with various nonprofits like Red Cross and WFP; you can text 90999 and a message based on the organization, and $5 or 10.00 will be donated to the particular charity.  The charge will then show up on your next bill.  In the case of WFP you would text, "friend" and $5.00 would be charged to you.  $5.00 would pay for twenty meals.  My grocery bill would have paid 200 meals. Now, I needed (most of) that food, however it occurs to me that I am not nearly as destitute as I would want to believe.  So at midnight I did text "friend".  How about you?

"Detail-orientated"

May I say that this is at the top of my list of pet peeves. The word you're trying to get at is,  "detail-oriented"  There is not such word as "orientated". Merriam-Webster dictionary's web site responded this way when I entered both these 'words':  "The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary." That's because IT ISN'T A WORD! The word you are trying to use is "oriented": intellectually, emotionally or functionally directed (adjective).

OK, people, let's take what we've learned and move forward using the word correctly, and by doing so, prove to me that you are 'detail-oriented'!

I'm OK!

I'm spending the day with my friend, Gigi.  Gigi is four, thankyouverymuch.

I'm finding that I look forwarding to seeing this four-year-old friend.  There are so many disappointing moments in my life these days of unemployment that time with a four-year old is, well, JOY! 

First of all, I am the funnest person in the world (according to Gigi) and when I arrive in the morning she greets me with glee!  She loves playing with me and if I had more of a child-like imagination and would be better at "little people" (remember Webbles? Or is it Webbelos?), well I think I would be just perfect!

Gigi has a guttural, straight-from-the-gut, laugh.  And I can make her laugh.  It's worth a million bucks! When we play puzzles and games and practice her ABCs, and we are successful, I sing:'"Ta daaaaa, done ta da ta daaaa!"  And now she does too.  I use "splendid" and "splendiforus", and now, so does she.  I get such a kick!

G, much like other small children, tumbles and rolls around on the furniture.  She Inevitably will end up with her feet in the air, and yell out, "I'm OK!" You OK, Gig? "Yup."

From knowing Gigi, I now know Dora and Diago, and know that Dora is Diago's cousin.  Uh huh, Who knew?  I know how to say, "hello!" in Chinese from watching Kylan.  Ne hao! I now know who Sponge Bob is, and I don't get the attraction.  Miss Gigi does not like PBS Kids (she says it's boring), but when Sponge Bob is on, I sneak it in; Sponge Bob is useless.  However we both do enjoy putting together the Sponge Bob puzzle. Oh and then there's 'Hip Hop Harry'.  I want to pull my hair out.  I try to get something else on the tube before he shows up, but like today, sometimes I'm too late.  I struggle with the way he and the children dance.  I'm a prude, what can I say?

Gigi has two older sisters and they have Barbies.  Gigi loves to play with Barbies and I seriously am uncomfortable with those dolls.  The clothes that are made for Barbie...well good grief! Have you no modesty, Barbie!?

Speaking of clothes, Gigi dresses herself.  It's a treat to see what she comes up with.  Today she is wearing a powder blue dress with lace puffy sleeves, a satin bow and fancy schmancy stuff on the front.  Over that she is wearing a red-bandana-print sweater, and under it all are black pants.  She is a fashion plate!

When I first arrive, I "work" on the computer.  Throughout, Gigi will ask, "Can you play, now?" I must say, I am eager to get my "work" done, so that I can say, "Why, yes, I can!"

She is a jewel and a treat in these difficult times.  I am fortunate to call her my friend.  And it's good to know, she "OK!".

The Doctor has spoken

After Chris' complaint on 1/3 about my use of "and" in the year, I wrote Dr. Math.

"I have a friend who takes issue when I say the year as: two thousand AND ten.  She believes that this implies a decimal, thus reading it numerically as '2000.10'. Instead I should be calling the year 'two thousand ten'. Is she correct, because I prefer to always be correct!"

The Doctor wrote:

Hi Jean,

Normally, 'and' comes between the whole and decimal parts of a number, e.g:  339.45 = three hundred thirty-nine and forty-five hundredths. Many people will put in a gratuitous 'and' after hundreds, e.g.:  339 = three hundred AND thirty-nine, but this is incorrect.  Although 'incorrect' may be too strong a word.

It's not the preferred way of expressing it.  But 'not preferred' isn't the same as 'wrong'.  In sort of the same way, people from New York will often say something like 'Me and Tom went to get pizza'.  I mean educated people, too - people with graduate degrees.  Published authors.  You can insist that

it's 'wrong', and they can insist that it's 'regional'.  There's no clear winner in this kind of argument.

On the other hand, I don't think it's reasonable at all to insist that the 'and' implies a decimal, because there's no way to know what decimal is implied unless a denominator is specified.  That is, would  two thousand and ten mean two thousand and ten hundredths (2000.10) or two thousand and ten thousandths (200.010) or two thousand and ten ten-thousandths (200.0010) or two thousand and ten hundred-thousandths (200.00010) or something else? That is, if you're including a decimal, you need to say 'and' to make it clear where that starts; but just because you put 'and' in there doesn't mean there's a decimal.  (When it rains, I roll up the windows in my car; but if I put the windows up, it doesn't mean it's raining.)

My advice is to just say what your friend wants to hear when she's around, and do what you like in other situations.  :) Does this help?

- Doctor Ian, The Math Forum

Why, yes, yes it does!  I believe I am correct and in  a twisted sort of way, so is Chris.

Signed,

Mama

January eleven, two thousand and ten.

Thank you; no no, thank you!

Where do you stand on "thank you"? Is it so abused that it no longer means anything?  Is it rote? Think about the check out counter:  I arrive, they say, "How are you?" I reply, "Fine thanks, and you?"; I pay, they say, "thank you"; they give me change, I say, "thank you"; they wish me a good day, I say, "thank you".  I think I say, "thank you" 3 or 4 times an encounter. Don't mention the restaurant experience: here's your seat, here's water, meal, mayonnaise for my fries, more soda, check, change, have a good night! How much is too much? Or, how much is not enough?  Has it become meaningless? And as such, are we to the point that we no longer say it when it's appropriate?

In my time at home, off work, I've been "doing things" for others in the neighborhood.  Now I want it to be clear, that initially this was out of the goodness of my heart with no strings attached -- as they say. After all, don't they say that if you do a good deed while looking for something in return -- it's not a good deed?  Well I'm not lookin'!  Unless you are referring to "thanks".  Then I admit, yes, I was looking for something in return.

I grew a garden this year and had my own bumper crop of lettuce and pumpkins.  On Autumnal Equinox I shared my pumpkins with the neighbors along with a card wishing them a happy autumn.  I even ran one short so I  ran out and bought one at a store for a neighbor as I didn't want her to feel left out.  She did not thank me until my elder neighbor next door called her on it.  (Who I might add thanked me promptly). One took three weeks.  Another to this day has never thanked me...never acknowledged it. I would have chocked it up to age but the even younger, early-20s couple next door thanked me on the same day that I delivered the pumpkins.  During the summer a friend and I weeded his neglected garden and this winter after a heavy snow fall, that friend (the only person with a snow blower) snow blowed his drive.  There was no mistaking who cleared his drive.  Not a word.

I don't think "thanks" is too much to ask.  Isn't it really the first interaction we were taught as children, after "Hi!" and "Good-bye!"? It is a common courtesy.  Say it! Who raised this guy!?  Actually, I know and I find it difficult to believe that she missed this installment of 'Child-rearing 101'. I think if we said it when it's appropriate the word would begin to carry the meaning it was intended, at all other times.  "Thanks, I really appreciate you clearing my empty plate so, I don't have to stare at it. Really!" "Thanks! I can't tell you how I appreciate you helping me unload my groceries, really!" "Thanks! I love that you included me in the joy you experienced by growing your garden! Really!"

All we need is "thanks"; wouldn't the world -- or in this case the neighborhood -- be a nicer place?

I Don't Feel So Good

Well the baby is feeling a little punk.  It could be any number things: Maybe that greeting card in its envelope with the warm and touching note to my neighbor.  I found it torn to bits; strewn about the room with many bits all soggy and gummed up.   In collecting the pieces I have come to the opinion that there are pieces missing...never to be seen again.  OR...it could be that magazine she destroyed.  It was an appropriate choice: Modern Dog, She paid particular attention to the article about our newest senator, Al Franken, and his quest for service dogs for our service members.   Again, I can't swear that I found it all.  Or wait a minute...what about all those unwelcome gifts left behind by the rabbits or the frozen surprises from nasty cats that run feral in my neighborhood?!  And what's the deal with that anyway?  I can't let my dog roam free doing her business in your yard whenever she pleases, why then can your cat do that in my yard?  But I digress...so, for now, she's only eating rice and we'll see what comes out on the other end.  Maybe I'll find that $5.00 bill that I swear I had in my purse!

Time for Michele to GO!

Michele Bachmann has added to her arsenal of idiotic theories. Her latest soap box is the Constitutionally required, once a decade, census. Bachmann believes that the census is an invasion into her and other Minnesotan's privacy, and as such she will not be completing hers. "Why does the government need our phone numbers?" Really? This is an issue for you? You're a congressperson. I can Google you and find your phone number. The census is in the Constitution, Congressperson, IT'S THE LAW!

This decade's census is all the more urgent as Minnesota's state demographer estimated that Minnesota could be within 1,000 people of losing one of its eight congressional seats. The great twist to all of this is that the district set up to be dissolved, is Bachmann's! Hm. Let me see...lose a seat in Congress currently held by a freak like Bachmann...not so terrible. It's one way of getting rid of her. But in the long run, we do lose our 8th seat. Better: Everyone completes their census as required, maintain our seat and have Bachmann's district FINALLY realize what a nutjob she is and stop voting her into Congress! What more do you need? Even Glenn Beck -- far right, weird-o, hate mongering commentator -- found Bachmann to be a little off. See the clip where he has to shut down the crazy rantings of Bachmann. (click on this post's title to go to that link.)

Ok, everyone. Complete your census and don't forget to vote. And those of you in Bachmann's district might consider writing the congressperson and give her a little push telling her our expectation that she follow Constitutional law, and complete her own census.

Chris is a big dork

So I thought I was obsessive. Friend Chris just called to point out that "and" in a numeric structure implies decimal point -- so previously I wrote: two thousand AND ten. She believes this then would suggest: 2000.10. I don't know that she is necessarily correct but she rants on this very issue quite frequently. So, the good friend that I am; I changed it JUST FOR HER. Happy?

Happy New Year....s?

It's New Year's day. Hence it is the first day of the new year, possessive. It is not: Happy New Years -- plural. I'm watching channel 4 news, and Don Shelby said, "Happy New YEARS" How does a journalist, presumably schooled in grammar and vocabulary, screw that up? The word, "sloppy" comes to mind. Oh, another: Lazy...lazy language skills. Such a disappointment.

It is 2010 and the debate is: How will you say that? Twenty-ten? Or two thousand and ten? I will say two thousand ten since I'm not a short-cut kind of girl. However I do believe when it's 2162, I'll say: twenty-one sixty-two.

I'm not much for New Year's (see this is possessive!) resolutions. Last year's was to get my passport. I got the paperwork filled out, but that's where I left it. Does that count? I could say the obvious: find a job, go back to school, exercise and lose weight. But frankly, those go without saying. Friends and previously, neighbors, moved into their new home this year; their first. And we have yet to go see their accomplishment. I am resolved to go visit this great feat. How's that?