Today was a low day. No calls. Never. No interviews, ever. I have just been approved for a first teer Federal extension of my unemployment since the state Unemployment expires after six months. I'm stuck in the muck: why is this happening to me? What did I do to bring this dark cloud into my life? Will I ever regain my footing? What does my future hold? I'm ashamed to say I didn't get out of my PJs today and haven't brushed my teeth. I'm feeling really sorry for myself.
In the mail today there was an envelope with a lovely card with no signature, and a $100-gift card to Rainbow. There's obvious relevance to this. But for me, I have great fear and anxiety that I won't be able to afford groceries. It grips me with fear, sometimes. Consequently I obsess on food: eating, getting it, coupons, deals...and it tears me apart when I come across a good deal but still have no money for it. I know -- logically --- that I am not going to starve. Yet, I can't let go of that irrational fear and each grocery shopping trip terrifies me: will I have enough money? Will I get stopped in the line and have to make people wait while I give back items? Crazy anxiety. This gift was so generous in so many ways.
Certainly the money is so appreciated. SO appreciated. But to be able to let go of the anxiety for the time being...it brings me to tears.
Thank you. Somehow, someday, I will pay this forward, but for now: Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment