Today was a low day. No calls. Never. No interviews, ever. I have just been approved for a first teer Federal extension of my unemployment since the state Unemployment expires after six months. I'm stuck in the muck: why is this happening to me? What did I do to bring this dark cloud into my life? Will I ever regain my footing? What does my future hold? I'm ashamed to say I didn't get out of my PJs today and haven't brushed my teeth. I'm feeling really sorry for myself.
In the mail today there was an envelope with a lovely card with no signature, and a $100-gift card to Rainbow. There's obvious relevance to this. But for me, I have great fear and anxiety that I won't be able to afford groceries. It grips me with fear, sometimes. Consequently I obsess on food: eating, getting it, coupons, deals...and it tears me apart when I come across a good deal but still have no money for it. I know -- logically --- that I am not going to starve. Yet, I can't let go of that irrational fear and each grocery shopping trip terrifies me: will I have enough money? Will I get stopped in the line and have to make people wait while I give back items? Crazy anxiety. This gift was so generous in so many ways.
Certainly the money is so appreciated. SO appreciated. But to be able to let go of the anxiety for the time being...it brings me to tears.
Thank you. Somehow, someday, I will pay this forward, but for now: Thank you.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
In the Community of Women
On Monday the 8th, Chris and I went to Katie and Gloria's house for soup and fun. Let's talk about the soup:
There was a veggie-black bean that was delish, to be sure, but the other...some name I can't pronounce or remember, but boy do I remember that beautiful soup. It was a hearty, curry-flavored, chicken soup. It was gorgeous. Thick with loads of chicken that sat at the bottom just waiting for you to stir it up; swimming in a saffron-yellow broth with fresh spinach leaves floating on the top. This was served over jasmine rice boiled in coconut milk. The combination was pure bliss. The soup had a kick but not too much, just enough to make your nose run. A week or so later and I am still thinking about this glorious soup. I wonder how I can use the coconut rice now?
After soup, this party of women sat down for a rousing game -- a take on the Newly-wed Game. Chris and I were a team. For a while we were in the lead. A common answer for us was: Sarah Pallin. IE: Who is the new Wicked Witch of the West? Sarah Pallin! There were lots of laughs and jokes with occasional diversions into stories and jokes.
I found myself shaking my head in amazement. There is nothing better than a group of women together. Whether that group is two over coffee or 15 over soup and games --- there is nothing like it. A group of women is a group of interesting, nurturing, funny people. There is immediate acceptance and interest in each other. It is a secret society with only one requirement: gender. Even the dogs were female and were front and center of all the excitement; gradually going from woman to woman for pats and massages; often taking time to sit at a woman's feet or in my case under my legs.
When the game ended (Chris and I tied for last) and the party began to break up, I was sorry to see it end. We drove home laughing as we recounted moments from the evening and a little disappointed that this was the last 'soup-night' of the year. But, what fun it was!
There was a veggie-black bean that was delish, to be sure, but the other...some name I can't pronounce or remember, but boy do I remember that beautiful soup. It was a hearty, curry-flavored, chicken soup. It was gorgeous. Thick with loads of chicken that sat at the bottom just waiting for you to stir it up; swimming in a saffron-yellow broth with fresh spinach leaves floating on the top. This was served over jasmine rice boiled in coconut milk. The combination was pure bliss. The soup had a kick but not too much, just enough to make your nose run. A week or so later and I am still thinking about this glorious soup. I wonder how I can use the coconut rice now?
After soup, this party of women sat down for a rousing game -- a take on the Newly-wed Game. Chris and I were a team. For a while we were in the lead. A common answer for us was: Sarah Pallin. IE: Who is the new Wicked Witch of the West? Sarah Pallin! There were lots of laughs and jokes with occasional diversions into stories and jokes.
I found myself shaking my head in amazement. There is nothing better than a group of women together. Whether that group is two over coffee or 15 over soup and games --- there is nothing like it. A group of women is a group of interesting, nurturing, funny people. There is immediate acceptance and interest in each other. It is a secret society with only one requirement: gender. Even the dogs were female and were front and center of all the excitement; gradually going from woman to woman for pats and massages; often taking time to sit at a woman's feet or in my case under my legs.
When the game ended (Chris and I tied for last) and the party began to break up, I was sorry to see it end. We drove home laughing as we recounted moments from the evening and a little disappointed that this was the last 'soup-night' of the year. But, what fun it was!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Lost #1 and 2
Oh my gosh! What's going on?
The new and final season started last week with an intriguing show. So many questions! We start off back on the plane which goes through turbulence and makes it. No crash. We see all our players and they run into each other in various fashions. Jack saves Charlie's life; Kate pick-pockets Jack for a pen...later in the airport Jack encounters John Locke who lost his luggage; Jack's father's casket never made it aboard and they really aren't sure where it is. Jack and John have a nice moment and Jack offers John a pro bono visit to see if there isn't something surgical that he can do -- after all -- John is paralyzed still. It seems that despite all odds these people are destined to be in each others' lives.
Meanwhile at the same time, we are back at the Dharma station. It appears we are righted in time. But Dharam did build the station despite Juliet's exploding the bomb. After some time Sawyer can hear that Juliet is still alive and buried beneath the rubble. Ultimately he gets to her only to have her die in his arms. But not before saying that she has something to tell him , but dies too soon to actually tell him. At the same time Hugo is visited by the spirit of Jacob who tells him to take Sayed to the Temple. Everyone goes but Miles and Sawyer who stay behind to bury Juliet. Why didn't they take her? If the springs can heal Sayed -- couldn't they have healed Juliet? Or is this the way to get the actress of this show and full time for "V"?
Once Juliet is buried Sawyer asks Miles what it was that Juliet wanted to tell him. "It worked." This leads me to believe that there is an alternate universe, which the makers of "Lost" denied from the start.
Hugo takes everyone else to the Temple where they are met with hostility and many more survivors. One is the flight attendant who recognizes everyone from the "first plane", allowing us to believe that the second return flight did occur. The Others are about to kill the gang when Hugo announces that Jacob sent them. This stops everyone in their tracks. He offers a guitar case as proof. Inside is a religious statue that is quickly broken. Within it is a note that apparently says to heal Sayed and protect the rest.
Sayed is submerged in the springs and appears to drowned instead of heal.
While in the alternate universe, Jin and Sun are detained as Jin has thousands of dollars in his luggage. He is pulled away to be interogated. He doesn't speak English and doesn't know what is going on. A woman says to Sun, "if you speak English and this is some misunderstanding now is the time to speak up." Of course she does speak English but she wants to get away from Jin, so she say, "No English".
Kate breaks away from the marshal who was escorting her back to the United States and hijacks a taxi that has the very pregnant Claire in it. Ultimately she takes the taxi leaving Claire behind. In time she finds a mechanic who takes her cuffs off and in a plan to change her clothes into Claire's she sees that all that was in the luggage was baby supplies and toys. She feels guilt and goes back in search of Claire. She learns that Claire is going to give the baby up for adoption and drives her to her destination. There, she learns that the adoptive parents no longer want the baby. This causes Claire to go into labor and Kate takes her to the hospital. There they encounter the creepy character who was an Other who abducted Claire and tried to take Aaron from her. So here again -- they were destined to encounter one another. Also, this means he wasn't on the island. Was he then, never an Other? He's able to stop the contractions and Claire announces that the baby's name is Aaron however she doesn't know where that name came from. Kate encourages her to keep the baby. This coincides with the reason Kate went back to the island: to find Claire and reunite her with Aaron.
Meanwhile on the island, after much time has passes, Sayed suddenly rises from the dead. he has no memory after being shot. The leader of the Others takes Sayed and ultimately tortures him. However he calls it diagnosing him. He fails the test. We later learn that he has a darkness enveloping him, and the Other leader says, "just like your sister".
Hugo tells the Others that Jacob is dead and this sets off a flurry of activity, including the ash circle encompassing the temple. This will keep the smoke monster away. We earlier learned that the smoke monster is the same as the man who is claiming to be John Locke even though we know Locke is dead and all has seen the dead body. The Others shoot off a flare that is seen by Richard Alpert and the group on the beach. This terrifies Richard. At the same time "John" comes out and says, "Hello Richard. Must be nice to be out of those chains." Then attacks him and carried him away. Chains? Chain to Jacob, to the island, in time? After all he never aged. Will he begin to age? Or did "John" just kill him?
Sawyer is abducted by the Others and brought to the rest of the gang. He promptly commandeers a gun and escapes. Kate goes after him with 2 of the Others and Jin. She breaks away but Jin stays with the Others. One of the Others is going to kill Jin when they are both shot by Claire. A very raggedy, dirty, Claire. She looks like Russo. Jin says her name and this startles her, almost as if awakening her. And we end here.
Claire is "dark"? Sayed will become "dark" and who is this guy impersonating John.
Oh my gosh.
The new and final season started last week with an intriguing show. So many questions! We start off back on the plane which goes through turbulence and makes it. No crash. We see all our players and they run into each other in various fashions. Jack saves Charlie's life; Kate pick-pockets Jack for a pen...later in the airport Jack encounters John Locke who lost his luggage; Jack's father's casket never made it aboard and they really aren't sure where it is. Jack and John have a nice moment and Jack offers John a pro bono visit to see if there isn't something surgical that he can do -- after all -- John is paralyzed still. It seems that despite all odds these people are destined to be in each others' lives.
Meanwhile at the same time, we are back at the Dharma station. It appears we are righted in time. But Dharam did build the station despite Juliet's exploding the bomb. After some time Sawyer can hear that Juliet is still alive and buried beneath the rubble. Ultimately he gets to her only to have her die in his arms. But not before saying that she has something to tell him , but dies too soon to actually tell him. At the same time Hugo is visited by the spirit of Jacob who tells him to take Sayed to the Temple. Everyone goes but Miles and Sawyer who stay behind to bury Juliet. Why didn't they take her? If the springs can heal Sayed -- couldn't they have healed Juliet? Or is this the way to get the actress of this show and full time for "V"?
Once Juliet is buried Sawyer asks Miles what it was that Juliet wanted to tell him. "It worked." This leads me to believe that there is an alternate universe, which the makers of "Lost" denied from the start.
Hugo takes everyone else to the Temple where they are met with hostility and many more survivors. One is the flight attendant who recognizes everyone from the "first plane", allowing us to believe that the second return flight did occur. The Others are about to kill the gang when Hugo announces that Jacob sent them. This stops everyone in their tracks. He offers a guitar case as proof. Inside is a religious statue that is quickly broken. Within it is a note that apparently says to heal Sayed and protect the rest.
Sayed is submerged in the springs and appears to drowned instead of heal.
While in the alternate universe, Jin and Sun are detained as Jin has thousands of dollars in his luggage. He is pulled away to be interogated. He doesn't speak English and doesn't know what is going on. A woman says to Sun, "if you speak English and this is some misunderstanding now is the time to speak up." Of course she does speak English but she wants to get away from Jin, so she say, "No English".
Kate breaks away from the marshal who was escorting her back to the United States and hijacks a taxi that has the very pregnant Claire in it. Ultimately she takes the taxi leaving Claire behind. In time she finds a mechanic who takes her cuffs off and in a plan to change her clothes into Claire's she sees that all that was in the luggage was baby supplies and toys. She feels guilt and goes back in search of Claire. She learns that Claire is going to give the baby up for adoption and drives her to her destination. There, she learns that the adoptive parents no longer want the baby. This causes Claire to go into labor and Kate takes her to the hospital. There they encounter the creepy character who was an Other who abducted Claire and tried to take Aaron from her. So here again -- they were destined to encounter one another. Also, this means he wasn't on the island. Was he then, never an Other? He's able to stop the contractions and Claire announces that the baby's name is Aaron however she doesn't know where that name came from. Kate encourages her to keep the baby. This coincides with the reason Kate went back to the island: to find Claire and reunite her with Aaron.
Meanwhile on the island, after much time has passes, Sayed suddenly rises from the dead. he has no memory after being shot. The leader of the Others takes Sayed and ultimately tortures him. However he calls it diagnosing him. He fails the test. We later learn that he has a darkness enveloping him, and the Other leader says, "just like your sister".
Hugo tells the Others that Jacob is dead and this sets off a flurry of activity, including the ash circle encompassing the temple. This will keep the smoke monster away. We earlier learned that the smoke monster is the same as the man who is claiming to be John Locke even though we know Locke is dead and all has seen the dead body. The Others shoot off a flare that is seen by Richard Alpert and the group on the beach. This terrifies Richard. At the same time "John" comes out and says, "Hello Richard. Must be nice to be out of those chains." Then attacks him and carried him away. Chains? Chain to Jacob, to the island, in time? After all he never aged. Will he begin to age? Or did "John" just kill him?
Sawyer is abducted by the Others and brought to the rest of the gang. He promptly commandeers a gun and escapes. Kate goes after him with 2 of the Others and Jin. She breaks away but Jin stays with the Others. One of the Others is going to kill Jin when they are both shot by Claire. A very raggedy, dirty, Claire. She looks like Russo. Jin says her name and this startles her, almost as if awakening her. And we end here.
Claire is "dark"? Sayed will become "dark" and who is this guy impersonating John.
Oh my gosh.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Didja See Her?
Sarah Pallin spoke to the Tea Party Convention (for a hundred grand) this past weekend. She asks, presumably me and the others who voted for Obama, "So how's that hope-y change-y thing going for ya?"She later called our President, "A charismatic speaker with a teleprompter". But the catch is, as she's talking with her hands -- while using note cards -- it becomes revealed that she has talking points WRITTEN ON HER HAND! Later while she's in an interview-setting, she is caught, not so covertly, looking at her hand to remember what topics she found most important to her! COME. ON! This is the woman who said it was "absurd" to NOT consider running in 2012. Oh I don't know -- doesn't sound too absurd to me!
Hey! Tea Partiers! Really? This is who you think should lead the country? Well that's great; you keep working towards that I we'll keep making fun of her!
Hey! Tea Partiers! Really? This is who you think should lead the country? Well that's great; you keep working towards that I we'll keep making fun of her!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I Am Humbled By the Kindness of Others.
So that last entry was a low moment, to be sure. But within 2 hours of posting I was standing at the side of my car staring at a dead battery. My friend David (Gigi's daddy) was plugging it in to his vehicle and ultimately diagnosing a really old, dead battery. Time for a new one.
I have no money -- I think I've made that clear. But the hard truth is that I use babysitting money to buy groceries. I have no money....and little credit. I've never been a credit card user so have one with very low available credit. I was going to have to max it out.
Dear David drove me to a store to buy a battery and then refused to let me buy it. I promised to pay him back and he refused that as well. This was charitable giving. Plus a Subway sandwich to go.
David didn't read that post. David doesn't know I have a blog and he was at work when I entered that. So Who was listening? G-d? The Universe? Guardian angels? I don't know what to believe but I do know now what it feels like to be humbled to your core. Not only do they let me spend the day with Gigi but they give me a bit of money to pay for groceries, and now this. I don't know what to do with this kind of generosity. I feel weak in the knees. And I don't mind adding: a little spooked.
So at my most humblest moment, I can only say, "thank you" and may the blessings of G-d follow you.
I have no money -- I think I've made that clear. But the hard truth is that I use babysitting money to buy groceries. I have no money....and little credit. I've never been a credit card user so have one with very low available credit. I was going to have to max it out.
Dear David drove me to a store to buy a battery and then refused to let me buy it. I promised to pay him back and he refused that as well. This was charitable giving. Plus a Subway sandwich to go.
David didn't read that post. David doesn't know I have a blog and he was at work when I entered that. So Who was listening? G-d? The Universe? Guardian angels? I don't know what to believe but I do know now what it feels like to be humbled to your core. Not only do they let me spend the day with Gigi but they give me a bit of money to pay for groceries, and now this. I don't know what to do with this kind of generosity. I feel weak in the knees. And I don't mind adding: a little spooked.
So at my most humblest moment, I can only say, "thank you" and may the blessings of G-d follow you.
A Fund Has Been Set Up in Your Name
It seems like every local-news piece ends with "A fund has been set up in their name...". Someone had a fire, someone was the victim of violence, someone is a vet coming home from Iraq....they all have funds in their name. It seems that this is just the next step after something awful or difficult has happened.
I recall the story of a family that endured the murder of two of their family members. Horrible. Terrible. Awful. A fund was set up in their name. This despite that they lived in a wealthy area; their house bordered on mansion-like and was valued at well over $300,000. Dad was an executive. But the family remaining was looking for the community to donate in their name. Really? No estate? No insurance? Not to mention social security for the kids. Huh. Ok. Then....
What about me!? Let's see...I lost my job in August and for the life of me can't even get an interview. I have some health problems that are concerning. I am a homeowner and live alone, therefore then I'm the only one paying the mortgage. Unemployment is paying less than half my usual salary. It's winter and gas bills are through the roof, but I don't qualify for assistance. Oh did I mention the vet bills for the dogs? Need I say more?
Seems like there should be a fund in my name! Let's do that. But instead of bothering with a bank, just send your donations my way. I will take checks, dollars, and moneyorders...or food!
And thank you for your support!
I recall the story of a family that endured the murder of two of their family members. Horrible. Terrible. Awful. A fund was set up in their name. This despite that they lived in a wealthy area; their house bordered on mansion-like and was valued at well over $300,000. Dad was an executive. But the family remaining was looking for the community to donate in their name. Really? No estate? No insurance? Not to mention social security for the kids. Huh. Ok. Then....
What about me!? Let's see...I lost my job in August and for the life of me can't even get an interview. I have some health problems that are concerning. I am a homeowner and live alone, therefore then I'm the only one paying the mortgage. Unemployment is paying less than half my usual salary. It's winter and gas bills are through the roof, but I don't qualify for assistance. Oh did I mention the vet bills for the dogs? Need I say more?
Seems like there should be a fund in my name! Let's do that. But instead of bothering with a bank, just send your donations my way. I will take checks, dollars, and moneyorders...or food!
And thank you for your support!
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